100 days in Mexico
You’re rock-bottom. Everything is f**ked. Your marriage, your self-esteem, your health. So f**K it. Why not go surfing and down to Mexico & ride enormous waves? Why not write about it? Melanie is one brave woman. This is her story, released weekly.
– By Melanie Williams
Episodes of “100 Days in Mexico” are released weekly and can be found at www.MelanieLaineWilliams.com
“It’s gotta come out of me, now!” I thought to myself as I sucked down the last bite of Double Chocolate Brownie Ice Cream Sundae. I faked a smiled at the other couples sitting at the table celebrating my 28th birthday with my soon-to-be husband and I, all the while inwardly my mind was doing a great job turning guilt into nausea.
My churning stomach felt like it was going to boil over by the time I excused myself to the bathroom to rid myself of my sin. On the drive home I secretly picked at my leftovers in my white styrofoam box, feeling emptier than ever before.
The feeling of fullness has eluded me for over two decades. The last time I felt full was circa 1995 while eating popcorn snuggled up on my dad’s lap. I fought hunger for over 20 years. I was starving to be noticed. I did anything a good girl could do to get noticed: I got straight A’s, excelled in sports, become the debate team captain and the student council president. When none of these worked I turned to men to fill me. The bigger their problems, the more needed I felt trying to fix each one. Each crash and burn relationship left me hungrier than the one before.
And then one day I woke up and I wanted to die. My life was at a crisis point.
My heart was shattered from a messy divorce with a relapsing addict,
My self-hatred had erupted into a full-blown eating disorder,
I was broke, working round the clock just to pay the bills,
And then the doctors told me I was 80% likely to get breast cancer.
That day was my bottom. I knew everything about my life had to change. So I set off on a 100-day solo road trip along the Pacific coast of Mexico, hunting for waves, and for hope.
I went weeks without showers, slept in my surfboard bag on deserted Mexican beaches, suffered staph infections, a broken rib and a torn MCL, all in search of something to fill me up. Food, attention from men, photos of myself on big waves; will anything ever be enough?
And now that journey has now taken on a life of its own. It is now a story of how “100 Days in Mexico” changed my life forever.
I’ve attempted to look beneath my own skin, to lay my truest self, open and vulnerable, on the pages of my writing. It is my hope that each reader will catch a glimpse of their own story within mine.
I’m telling my story because it is inside me and it has to come out. I can’t not do this.
With each weekly episode, I’m throwing open the doors and inviting all who are hungry to fill their plates. So pull up a chair, put your napkin in your lap if you’re feeling fancy, and take a big bite out of life with me as I take you on a journey from empty to full, and back again.
Episodes of my story “100 Days in Mexico” are released weekly and can be found at www.MelanieLaineWilliams.com
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Ready to go on a road trip? Strap in. Let’s do this!